Thursday, April 26, 2018

the "big talk" #5...the last

Well, almost four years late according to our usual schedule, "the Big Talk" number FIVE took place last weekend.
And we were all pretty happy about it.

You see, years ago my parents wrote a pretty awesome book based on their "big talk" experiences with us nine kids.


And I'm so thankful not only for that book filled with wisdom that we have now used to guide us through such an important topic with every one of our children, but I'm grateful that they took the time out to have that "talk" with me when I was a kid.  As I said in "round 3," I don't remember many details, but I remember feeling love spilling out of them as they told me about "the most beautiful, amazing thing in the world."  I remember I felt safe and secure to talk to them about pretty much anything after that.

The whole concept is that parents should be the ones to teach their children about the birds and the bees...not their friend or a neighbor kid, or some random teacher at school during the sixth grade maturation schpeal.

They recommend that age eight is a great time to have "the talk" since at that age kids are pretty aware of their surroundings and can really grasp it, yet they are still innocent enough to be in awe of how amazing it all is. Sure, some kids need it sooner, some need it later, and parents are the best judge for that.

In Lucy's particular case, we knew she wasn't ready at eight, and that's ok.  There were certain things that led up to all three of us feeling ready.  We talked it all up, hyped that we'd be talking about something so important, took her out to a special dinner (Panera...her choice), where we talked about some initial things.  Then we sat in the car and went through the whole dialog we'd done before...which we should be experts on by now but I sure still needed that book!  (luckily my friend had a copy...I couldn't remember who I lent mine to last!) 

As uncomfortable as it may seem like having "the big talk" will be, I have to admit I really do like it...more and more every time we do it. 

The thing I love the most is that it opens the door for talking.  It gives the "ok" for questions Dave and I want to be the "go-to" experts for our kids...they know that no question under the sun is too weird or embarrassing or "bad" to ask us about.  It establishes trust.  I love that it builds a base to jump off of in so many ways.  I love that following that "talk" every time there seems to be stuff that comes up that makes me so glad that kind of beautiful communication is open. 

Thanks once again, Mom and Dad, for helping us navigate those waters so many times.  I'll always remember that night, the mesquite trees still in vibrant bloom above us, Lucy's awe and sweet questions, and how her eyes popped right out of her head when she asked how old her siblings had been for that talk and we told her they were eight.  Ha!

It was a good one.  And here's to many more follow-up discussions to go.
(Claire's "big talk" is HERE, and HERE is a link to that book if you want more info!)

7 comments:

  1. Gosh. I have been following your family for some time now and never made the connection that your parents are Richard and Linda Eyre! I love their books and have many of them, including a preschool program and a family program the used to publish. It all makes sense now. What an incredible family you have.

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  2. So, this made me look up what the normal age is to talk to kids about sex and was SHOCKED at the results. 6-8 years old is normal. Look. My daughter is 6 and at the end of first grade. I don't think she even knows the real names of body parts. She has always called the lady garden her TUTU. This was not my doing. I'm a dance teacher so ...yeah, no. haha. I don't know if she even knows boys have different parts. She probably does but it's not like it ever comes up as she's an only child. Obviously I need to have a talk with her. I'm not ready for THAT talk yet. I'm just not ready. She probably is but I'm not. lol.

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    1. I haven't read the book Shawni is referring to, I'm sure it is wonderful, so I can't speak to it, however, I can highly recommend this one (https://www.amazon.com/Talk-Lessons-Introduce-Biblical-Sexuality/dp/1500659444/ref=sr_1_fkmr3_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1524861234&sr=1-1-fkmr3&keywords=7+biblical+principals+of+sex). When my daughter was about 7, we had "the talk" with her. The book I referenced tells you that if you think it's time then it is most likely past time to have a talk with your child. They are learning SO MUCH MORE than you can imagine from their peers at school on the topic. You want/need her to learn the truth from you! I will say, my daughter had no idea what the word "sex" was. However, my son, who was 9, at the time, knew and was seriously misinformed. An example of us waiting too late :( Best of luck on making the best decision for your family! You've got this :)

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    2. While I greatly appreciate the time you took to type this out and find the link, we are not religious. I'm atheist and so is my significant other so we would probably go another route, but I still thank you for the response! :)

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  3. This podcast is another amazing resource for parents to listen to to understand why it is important to have "The Talk" at many different ages and stages of life. I think you'd really like it: http://familylookingup.com/2018/03/20/its-time-for-the-talk-with-brad-wilcox-episode-21/

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  4. This is really good.

    I hope it's OK to ask his question, but before you did the talk did you use the proper words for different body parts?

    I know a lot of people use slang words but I don't agree with that. I think they should be taught the proper words from a young age.

    A friend of mine was shocked when I told her that my niece & nephew said the proper words at a young age. She seemed to think it was totally wrong.

    I'd love to get your thoughts on this & again, I hope you don't mind me asking.

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  5. You would be surprised what 10 year olds know. It’s a part of life.

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