Monday, July 13, 2015

on being nice

As I mentioned in the last post, Lucy had a lot of quality friend time in June.

I've never been as grateful for friends for my children as I am for Lucy's friends.  They are true gems and as sweet as they come.  

I'm so extra thankful for them because I know that Lucy isn't new to being left out in bigger groups and I'm sure there's more to come.  She is SO social.  She always wants to play.  Sometimes I'll notice her being so excited to see someone at school or just in passing.  It fills my heart to overflowing when the kids she's so excited to say hi to match her smile and get excited to see her too.  It dashes my heart to pieces when they ignore her or start talking to someone else instead.

It's ok, it really is.  Every kid gets left out once in a while in life.  That's just life.  Every single one of my kids have felt that before.  Kids are just trying to find their way in life, and learning so much along the way. Everyone is different including Lucy and everyone is just finding friends they relate to most, especially at this age.  Which makes me extra grateful for these sweet kids who are so nice.

But long ago, I learned so much when my friend was talking to her son who was so sad he had been left out.  

She told him to always remember how he felt right then.  

She told him it's good to feel that way every now and again because it will help him to have the empathy to never, ever make someone else feel that way.

I've used that wise wisdom a lot with my kids.  

So when Lucy wouldn't include my friend's little boy in the fort she and her friends had made the other day it kind of broke my heart.  I know she's still learning as are all these kids, but for some naive reason I figured that because she knew how it feels to be left out, she wouldn't do the leaving out.  So wrong.  Maybe she felt superior that she could be on the top of the food chain doing the leaving out.  Maybe she just let her natural instincts kick in.  Maybe I have a lot more teaching to do. (Ok, not maybe, for sure.)

But the whole scenario just made me think a bunch more about how dearly I want to deliberately train these kids of mine to always "love more" and be inclusive.  That's what all mothers want, right?  Loving and being inclusive is what makes the world go around after all.  And if they can learn it young, they will be so much happier adults.

After a little chat Lu and I marched that cute little teary-eyed boy over to the "fort" which led to these smiles:

...and this funny note Lucy worked all evening on:



Oh how I hope she can always remember to "Love More" and that kindness begins right in her own little heart.

9 comments:

  1. That made me tear up! I hope I can be that kind of mom for my kids! So many in and outs of communication, interacting, meaning to be kind - but missing the boat, etc. Oh man... makes my head spin! Thank you for sharing the experiences you've had. It has made a world of difference for me.

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  2. Love this! I have a sign in my dining room that says "Because Nice Matters". It is SO important to teach our kids to be nice (and to practice it ourselves!)! And I love Lucy's note -- so, so, so, so, so, so much! She's precious! :)

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  3. Thank you for sharing! I remember feeling 'left out' every now and then from 4th grade until I graduated high school. I think it definitely helped me try to be better at being kind to everyone, and treating others the way I desired to be treated.

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  5. Love what you wrote. I think we adults sometimes need to 'love more' and this helps me to keep it all in perspective. You are a great teacher to young and 'old'!

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  6. Such an important lesson for us all... We all have experienced this at one time or another in life. An important lesson my parents taught me as a child ...was...that I have unique value....AND there are MANY others who have just as much value as I do. They also taught me that most everyone is deserving of inclusion...unless....they give you a dang good reason not to. (which we have all encountered... for example narcissistic hurtful people who are incapable of empathy...and leave a trail of heartache and destruction...but....to ONLY choose to walk away from these people if they inflict this on you directly. There is nothing wrong with giving yourself permission to create clear boundaries when it comes to toxic people...but only if you see it first hand... not off of what others say.) I have never forgotten that lesson in my personal or business life. As a result...the older (and wiser) we get...the more you find yourself surrounded by the Souls who enrich your life. Wonderful...to learn the lesson of inclusion...early in life. Inspiring to read about! Well done!

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  7. Isn't eight about the age when boys and girls don't like to play with each other? I'm not saying that you weren't right about interfering, but I wouldn't worry too much. And that letter probably is the cutest excuse I've ever read!

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  8. Cutest and sweetest note ever! Love her generous apology. (And that he is handsome? Precious!)

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