When I was in elementary school Sunday evenings made me sick to my stomach.
Because Sunday evenings meant school was around the corner.
And that worried me.
The homework, the schedule, the big responsibilities I placed on myself (I was a pretty conscientious, worried, painfully shy child). It was like I was gearing up to get compressed into a tiny box that squelched all my freedom right out.
Luckily that worry gradually faded and school became adored. I bawled the night we graduated from high school as my friends and I drove up the canyon after all our celebrating with "Forever Young" blasting through our old suburban.
But that same feeling I had in elementary school has been inching in for the last couple weeks. The walls of my big wide-open "box" of summer glory have been ever-so-gradually sneaking closer and closer until this morning they closed in on us and I sent four children off to three different schools. Our box will keep compressing as all the layers are added to keep it tight: deadlines and homework, the scramble from one thing to the next.
I know school is great. Grace and Claire woke up at 5:30 this morning they were so darn excited. Max and Elle were nervous and lamented school on the surface but I could see the excitement shining through in their eyes as vibrant as could be. I know getting into a schedule is therapeutic and good for all of us. It's just that it seems like it came too fast. Way too fast.
Sure, the quiet stillness of our house feels amazing (Lucy is still asleep...dreaming of how much fun she's going to have in her afternoon preschool in a few hours). Sure, it will feel so good to breathe and get a chance to sort through the hundreds photos I haven't had a chance to download yet. I'm sure I will feel empowered when I carve out time to sort through the mail and stacks of papers that I have let pile up as I have sucked out the marrow of summer with my kids around.
There's nothing like new beginnings. It's all so new and gives us a chance to re-evaluate and start fresh. I'm just saying we will sure miss summer around here!