Wednesday, September 23, 2009

love/hate relationship

I have a love/hate relationship with blog comments.

Of course, I think it's human nature to love to get feedback. And I couldn't be more thankful for so many great connections out there I never would have had if not through the blog world.

Through blog comments people virtually "wrapped their arms around us" when we found out about Lucy's syndrome (we couldn't feel more grateful), people have given me all kinds of remedies for everything from Claire's urinary tract infections to allergies to sympathy over super bad haircuts (which I have once again gosh darn it!), to recipes for fresh-baked bread. I love making connections...with neighbors, old high school friends, missionary companions, etc., etc.

One of my favorite ever blog comments was this:

Shawni and Dave,

I'm the father of a 3 year old boy with BBS. Like Dave, my instinct is to learn and fix. So I've spent the last 3 years reading everything written on BBS over the last 15 years.

I'd be very happy to share everything I know, as well as our experiences with our son, with you.

I can't even express the feeling that one gave me...after so much searching to have someone there who knows ...really many things we really need to know.

Needless to say, I love comments.

But here's the bad part of blog comments:

I have "not-replying-to-comments" guilt. I feel horrible when I don't get back to people.

No, I don't feel bad about the general ones...the ones that just say hi or that just make a nice comment about the post...I know those comments are just nice comments (and thanks for 'em). But what stresses me out is that I can't seem to "give back" enough after all the kind things people do and say specifically about Lucy (and some of Claire's issues too). And even if it's just a few comments here and there (it's not like I get them pouring in my any means), they start building up in my in-box and the guilt sets in. It just feels so good to have support, and I wish I could give it back more.

I could turn the comments off, and just communicate with e-mail, but e-mails are a whole other ballgame of guilt. And don't even get me started on Facebook...

So, in conjunction with my 2009 word for the year, I have to CHOOSE whether I want to be "with" my kids and husband soaking them in when I get a chance, or whether I want to sit in front of the computer for hours on end to let other people know I appreciate them.

So I'm CHOOSING to let my comment-reply-guilt fade, and give a big heart-felt thank you for comments right here and now. If I don't reply to what you write, it just means I'm being a mom and a wife and a maid and a laundress and a chauffeur and a nurse and a practice-piano-helper and a psychologist to my family. Oh, and trying to make dinner for a few people, and take care of church stuff, etc.

But that doesn't mean I don't appreciate the kind words...especially from those who are so sweet about Lucy.

Thank you thank you thank you. From the bottom of my heart.
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