Sunday, March 2, 2008

missing...

Physically I can do it when Dave's out of town. I can get the kids where they need to be when they need to be there (not without the help of friends and carpools, but they get there). I can make dinner. I can change diapers. I can wipe runny noses and volunteer at the school. I can bathe kids and get them to church almost on time. I can even "be still" better than I have before and write my kids occasional special notes about how much I love them.

But emotionally I've reached my limit. I'm done. I was totally fine for the first ten days but I hit my limit this morning and I had to really struggle to pull myself together for Max's last basketball game...I'm sure he would have been a little embarrassed to have his mom sitting there with tears welling up in her eyes on the sidelines while wrestling with his sisters to keep them off the court. (I know I'm pretty much a wimp because I know there are moms out there who have to be the single mom all the time. Boy do I admire them.) Dave's been gone for a week and a half and I'm ready to hang out with him again. I just miss him. He's in China and China's tough because I feel like we can hardly talk when he's there because he's so many hours ahead that he's pretty much asleep when I'm awake and there always seems to be an echo on the line, and sometimes I just hate talking on the phone because inevitably there's a child hanging on my leg, wiping a nose on me, begging for a cookie, or trying to carry on a conversation with me while I'm trying to talk to the person on the other end of the line.

And missing him has been topped off with having a bad cold sore and having a really bad cold with aches and all that junk. So maybe I'm done physically too.

So, tomorrow we'll be having a celebration...we're gonna look like this:Because Dad will be home.

19 comments:

  1. You're a strong woman Shawni- Taking care of that many kids for any amount of time, let alone 10 days is impressive.

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  2. i KNOW how hard this is. i've done it and i don't love it. it truly is exhausting. i'm glad he'll be home tomorrow. happy days ahead. :)

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  3. Three cheers that he will be home tomorrow, Shawni!

    Isn't single motherhood EXHAUSTING? I am the worst when I have to go solo and I have nothing but undying respect for those that do this ALL THE TIME!

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  4. i love love the way you put that. brian hasn't been out of town, but he's been so busy with work lately that it seems like he has been. i read this post and realized that it's not physical, it's emotional. i don't know how single moms do it! thanks again and yay for dads and husbands.

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  5. I totally know how you feel. I am sure you have it more together then you think. It's hard having a husband who travels a lot. I know that feeling of "Can I really do all this and get kids everywhere, be everything and still be happy about it all?" and I only have three kids, which is why I am anxious about having the fourth. Am I really going to be able to juggle it all with a husband who works and travels alot? I am just picturing that I am going to be a wreck for the next year or so. So hopefully today you are all having a nice reunion!!!!!

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  6. Okay, first could your girls be any cuter?!? I love seeing all your fun pictures on your blog! I need to get on your schedule so you can take our family photos!

    I bet you are exhausted, who wouldn't be?! So glad he's coming home tomorrow. You need to go pamper yourself, I would love to watch your little girls sometime this week .... really, I mean that! You deserve a break!

    Still waiting for Denise to get back to me about enrichment, we will be in touch!

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  7. Hang in there Shawni! You are doing great! I used your word/phrase "Be Still" as part of my lesson today in young women and they loved it.

    ~Christine

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  8. Girl you are so strong. I could not do it with 5 kids. Jerry works out of state and is gone all week every week and I miss him so much. I am not a phone person either so it is so hard. I am glad he will be home tomorrow. I treasure our weekends. I love the photos. Will you come out here if I fly you and take pics of my family once this little one is born? Seriously.

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  9. I'm so sorry that you've had such a crazy week. I've so been there...at the end of my rope which reminds me of one of my favorite quotes, "when you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on"! Good luck surviving until Dave gets home tomorrow. I'm not sure if a call will help or make it worse to have one more thing to crowd your time!
    Sure love you,
    Mom

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  10. I always say raising kids is not a one person operation. Thank heavens your other half will be home soon and you'll not be quite so outnumbered anymore.

    My husband doesn't have to travel with work, but often has to do 24 hours shifts at the hospital. I think one day is enough for me, let alone 10! Glad you got through. I am sure your kids never thought you missed a beat. Little do they know how much work it takes to be a mom!

    Enjoy being back together. Hooray!

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  11. I know that this has got to be difficult for you and Dave. I hope the travel schedule doesn't last too long.

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  12. HI! I feel your pain. Mark travels about 2-3 weeks out of the month. I have enjoyed your blog since Christmas. I can't believe how Max and Elle have grown! I think Grace was a tiny baby when we last saw you...my, how things change! Beautiful family. I LOVE your blog and your pics! You're amazing. I meant to reply to your gluten/dairy free post--a friend of mine has her 5 year old child (with autism/aspergers) on gluten/casein free diet and has noticed amazing changes--he shows more emotion, he stays dry through the night, among other things. We think of your family often and are glad to see all's well! Hugs and happy thoughts from the Smiths in southeastern Virginia!

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  13. Oh Shawni, sorry! I'm scared now cuz Brian is only gone this week for 2 days and its hard already! I don't know what Im going to do when I have more! Im a big baby I guess...so that makes two in our family, me and the real baby.

    You are awesome!! Thanks so much for the CUTEST outfit ever! Will totally remind me of Arizona :) You didn't have to do anything...but since you did, thanks, your so sweet!

    Good luck til Dave comes home and then you can relax!

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  14. Tami! I don't know if you'll check back to this but I can't figure out how to write you a note back because there's nothing where there should be a blog. I was so excited to see your name there...we've been so out of touch. We miss you guys and need a serious update on life in the Smith family! Send me your e-mail address or something. Hope all's going well.

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  15. Oh, sorry! I'm glad he's coming back tomorrow though! I remember when Trent worked in Chicago but we lived here in AZ. He'd be gone for 10 days and then home for 5...and this went on for a year! Luckily I only had one kid. But still, I understand how nuts it can get missing your spouse and taking on all responsibility alone. Celebrate all week! :)

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  16. Muriel, I can't get into your blog either for some reason! Of course I'd love to take pictures for you. I'd also like to see how you guys are doing so let me know how to get into your blog.
    --Shawni

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  17. Shawni-my new blog is private. I will send you an invite if you e-mail me at murielcollison@hotmail.com

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  18. Hi Shawni! I think you are a special person to be able to take care of your kids like you do. When the hubbies travel (like mine does as well) it is hard to hold it together and not yell, cry and loose it. I always worry when they travel if they will come back safe. Did you get my email? I hope so and sorry again that it took so long to get it together for you! Take care-

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  19. I hope you are enjoying Dave being home! I am lucky that Tony doesn't travel for work, but on the other hand I do have to twice a year and it can be tough to be the one left home! I think I'm going to have to set up some playdates for Tony next time I head to SLC :) Hang in there! You are awesome!

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