Wednesday, November 14, 2007

overwhelmed

I can't sleep. I've been lying there in the dark listening to the sound of the fan, mulling over why in the world I can't keep up with life. Why does everyone else seem to be handling it fine while I'm barely keeping my head above water? I realize the fact that we've had a bunch of travel going on lately contributes significantly to the chaos in my life, but even without the travel things are crazy. After packing up all the kids and getting them to Max's baseball game the other day (late, of course) I realized I had forgotten to bring my own shoes. Now that's bad. I provided some good amusement for our friends at the game when I showed up wearing Gracie's flip flops.

I sometimes like to attribute the craziness of my life to the fact that I have five kids. Is that why waves of busy-ness keep knocking me off my feet? But then I see other mothers with five, six, eight kids who have it all under control and I get so frustrated with myself, and I realize it's not the kids, it's me. What in the world are these other mothers doing that makes them so on top of things? How do they do their planning so that they are in control of their time rather than their time wrecking havoc on them? How do they keep so many sets of fingernails and toenails trimmed? How in the world are they on time for things? How do they keep their kids sitting in a line, reverent and happy in church? (Ok, I know that's rare, but it happens, and my question is HOW??) How do they keep up with laundry? How do they plan healthy menus and keep up with the grocery shopping? How do they find time to help each of their children with practicing and homework? How can they volunteer to bring meals to other families in need without throwing any semblance of order in their own homes out the window? How do they let their husbands and children know, I mean really know, how much they adore them amidst the whirlwind of chaos of trying to get there and be there for everything and everyone? I feel like I'm just whisking my kids in and out of the car to get places, always late, and always forgetting things. I know it's a phase, and I know I'm not a horrible mother, but I'd love any kind of advice to come my way. I'm just not naturally a planner and the more I'm into the thick of this mothering thing the more I realize planning's not just nice, it's essential to keep sane. So any planners out there please send me some words of wisdom!

I love this quote:

"Have courage for the great sorrows of life and patience for the small ones; and when you have laboriously accomplished your daily tasks, go to sleep in peace. God is awake."

Now that I've vented I think I can "go to sleep in peace" (even though all my "daily tasks" will never really be accomplished.) And how could I not, knowing that these five sweet ragamuffins are nestled in their beds sleeping peacefully themselves...hopefully for at least four more hours.
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